uncertainty

For the past week we have been making plans for a strategy for if/when Brent gets laid off of work. He works for Wal-Mart Home office in ISD. We fought hard for him to get where he is today. He started out stocking and pushing carts for Wal-Mart while he was pursuing his Bachelor's degree. He moved up to Assistant Manager in Fayetteville, AR in the same store he started in (hard to do). We moved to Idabel, OK just 1 month after we got married to open a new store there. We moved a couple more times with Wal-Mart. Then applied for the home office again and still did not get it. So we moved to NWA and he worked as an Assistant Manager in Fayetteville again in hopes being closer would help him get into the office. After about 9 months he finally got the position he in in now. Then Tuesday uncertainty swept in when Wall-Mart home office laid off about 800 people. We have sources that say this week about 500 people will be laid off in ISD. He has only been there for about 8 1/2 months. This is weighing heavy on us, but we know whatever happens the Lord has a plan for us.

Along with this uncertainty, I feel strongly that I have cancer. I have many symtoms that I can't explain that really are bothering me. Not every day, but when it happens, it is very bad. Last time it did was yesterday. I woke up hardly able to breathe (very short of breath), I was fainting over and over, I was pale, my whole body was shaking really bad (for hours). This seems to happen every time I lose 2 pounds in one day. I step on the scale almost every morning and yesterday it was 2 lbs lower than the previous few days. I have lost 14 lbs more that I gained during this last pregnancy. I am down about 70 lbs now in 6 months. I am NOT trying to lose weight. I am very hungry all of the time (a symptom of my hyperthyroid) and I eat every time I am hungry. I have more than 3 full meals a day. I found a lump in my neck last week a few days after my voice changed and I became hoarse. These are symptoms of thyroid cancer. I go back to the doctor tomorrow to see what the doc has to say about this. I am hoping he goes ahead and does an ultrasound on my neck to better see the 'lump'.

On a lighter note :), My little baby has the most beautiful smile and she is always happy :)